I believe there are some things in life that just have to be experienced to really understand them. No words of advice or preparation can be given to fully prepare a person for the magnitude of certain experiences. For instance, child birth. I've known my whole life that childbirth is about the most painful experience a woman can go through. I accepted that. But really, no words can describe the pain. It is a pain so horrendous that the prospect of pushing an 8 pound child out becomes not only a necessity, but some desirable course of action you long for! Anything for relief! Of course I could attempt to describe it here, but I'll spare you from my description which would most likely include and lot of explicits and carefully chosen 4-letter words that would make this blog post not quite fit for the average family read. It might be an amusing though....
I'm finding the same is true of being a mother. Being a mother is stressful! I knew it would be that way before I ever became a mother, but oh man, its crazy stressful at times. It is seriously the hardest job I’ve ever had. Today I was driving to a Story Time I did at a daycare center, and I watched in alarm as the lady driving the SUV in front of me started to swerve a bit as she turned around and appeared to yell at her kids. Then at the next stoplight her car jerked back and forth a bit a bit and she turned around and walloped them with a notebook or some other kind of object and continued to yell at them. As I watched her, a bit embarrassed for her honestly, I could mildly understand where the woman was coming from. Who knew what happened in that car to warrant such an occurrence. Maybe one of her children saved some firecrackers form the 4th of July and decided in the car on the way to daycare was the right time to set them off. I know that would make me a teensy bit irate. I've never lost it and gone berserk on my kids before, but I have experienced extremely frustrating/infuriating circumstances that have made such an occurrence seem...possible.
Maybe it's just because the girls are at the age they are at (2 1/2 and 1) or maybe it's because they are so close in age. But lately I've been so stressed out by them! I feel like the worst mom ever. The other day I decided to brave seeing Ice Age III with both girls during their usual nap time (we went with my sister and her 2 boys). Really, they did very well for their ages, but it was still very stressful! On the drive home I was beyond exhausted (mainly because I’d been up really late the night before) and was so happy when both girls passed out. My girls wake up as soon as the car turns off generally, so I decided that when I got home I would just leave the car running and recline my seat and take a nap with them. About 4 streets away from our house, M woke up. I just about burst into tears. I was already at my wits end due to exhaustion and trying to entertain a 1 year old for 2 hours at the movie. I got the girls out of the car (yeah…both woke up) and fought back the tears as I took them inside. I walked up the stairs and into the living room and started crying. Mr. N was home and I told him, “I need a break. I really need a nap. I just need to get away from them for a while.” I felt terrible saying such a thing, like I was speaking a vile swear word and should have my mouth washed out with soap. Our children are beautiful and healthy and I feel like because of that I should always be in a state of contentment and bliss. NOT! I just get tired of it sometimes! Like with anything, sometimes you just need a change of pace! Luckily Mr. N watched the girls and I took a nice long, much needed nap. I woke up as a better mom than when I went to sleep. But is it really wrong to just want to get away? I’m not really good with relieving my stress. I think I keep it all in until I finally blow, or it becomes too much and I break down crying. I wish I was one of those super patient, kind moms that never raised my voice…but I’m not. I feel like a wreck of a mom trying to hold it together by my fingertips most days. Maybe that’s what all young moms are like!
Maybe I just need a better way to handle the frustration! Singing songs helps, but usually when I’m really frustrated I don’t exactly feel like breaking into song….
Okay, I think I’m done with my vent.
I'm finding the same is true of being a mother. Being a mother is stressful! I knew it would be that way before I ever became a mother, but oh man, its crazy stressful at times. It is seriously the hardest job I’ve ever had. Today I was driving to a Story Time I did at a daycare center, and I watched in alarm as the lady driving the SUV in front of me started to swerve a bit as she turned around and appeared to yell at her kids. Then at the next stoplight her car jerked back and forth a bit a bit and she turned around and walloped them with a notebook or some other kind of object and continued to yell at them. As I watched her, a bit embarrassed for her honestly, I could mildly understand where the woman was coming from. Who knew what happened in that car to warrant such an occurrence. Maybe one of her children saved some firecrackers form the 4th of July and decided in the car on the way to daycare was the right time to set them off. I know that would make me a teensy bit irate. I've never lost it and gone berserk on my kids before, but I have experienced extremely frustrating/infuriating circumstances that have made such an occurrence seem...possible.
Maybe it's just because the girls are at the age they are at (2 1/2 and 1) or maybe it's because they are so close in age. But lately I've been so stressed out by them! I feel like the worst mom ever. The other day I decided to brave seeing Ice Age III with both girls during their usual nap time (we went with my sister and her 2 boys). Really, they did very well for their ages, but it was still very stressful! On the drive home I was beyond exhausted (mainly because I’d been up really late the night before) and was so happy when both girls passed out. My girls wake up as soon as the car turns off generally, so I decided that when I got home I would just leave the car running and recline my seat and take a nap with them. About 4 streets away from our house, M woke up. I just about burst into tears. I was already at my wits end due to exhaustion and trying to entertain a 1 year old for 2 hours at the movie. I got the girls out of the car (yeah…both woke up) and fought back the tears as I took them inside. I walked up the stairs and into the living room and started crying. Mr. N was home and I told him, “I need a break. I really need a nap. I just need to get away from them for a while.” I felt terrible saying such a thing, like I was speaking a vile swear word and should have my mouth washed out with soap. Our children are beautiful and healthy and I feel like because of that I should always be in a state of contentment and bliss. NOT! I just get tired of it sometimes! Like with anything, sometimes you just need a change of pace! Luckily Mr. N watched the girls and I took a nice long, much needed nap. I woke up as a better mom than when I went to sleep. But is it really wrong to just want to get away? I’m not really good with relieving my stress. I think I keep it all in until I finally blow, or it becomes too much and I break down crying. I wish I was one of those super patient, kind moms that never raised my voice…but I’m not. I feel like a wreck of a mom trying to hold it together by my fingertips most days. Maybe that’s what all young moms are like!
Maybe I just need a better way to handle the frustration! Singing songs helps, but usually when I’m really frustrated I don’t exactly feel like breaking into song….
Okay, I think I’m done with my vent.
6 comments:
Umm, did you crawl inside my head and read all my thoughts? You are not alone! I don't know what else to say but that. Thanks for this post:)
I'm going to give you a short summary of what my sharing time lesson this week is about - it's about keeping the sabbath day holy, but the whole point of the lesson is that need one day of rest a week to be able to better deal with the rest of the week. It recharges us mentally/physically/emotionally/spiritually. Even Heavenly Father needed to take a day of rest to be the best he could be. So no, just because you are a full time mother, I don't at all think that means you should try to be the best mom ever 24/7, because you need rest too!!! Ideally one day per 6 :) but since you rarely get breaks, you shouldn't feel bad about being a little irritated at times!
I'm going to give you a short summary of what my sharing time lesson this week is about - it's about keeping the sabbath day holy, but the whole point of the lesson is that need one day of rest a week to be able to better deal with the rest of the week. It recharges us mentally/physically/emotionally/spiritually. Even Heavenly Father needed to take a day of rest to be the best he could be. So no, just because you are a full time mother, I don't at all think that means you should try to be the best mom ever 24/7, because you need rest too!!! Ideally one day per 6 :) but since you rarely get breaks, you shouldn't feel bad about being a little irritated at times!
I think "super patient, kind moms that never raise their voices" are just as non-existant as people who have never peed in a pool ;) (maybe there are people who have never peed in a pool) Anyways! My point is, it's all about the experience!
Thank you for this post. I love to not feel alone in feeling frustrated.
I only have one and I feel the need for breaks pretty often! So I can only imagine with two! Just from your post anyone can tell what an amazing mother you are! I love your post! Thanks!
I'm not a mom--but I think everyone needs a break from people they are around a lot. More specifically, Mom's need a break from kids that can't carry on adult conversations, etc. I think every mom feels this way--you have no reason to feel bad about it.
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