Road Blocks

***Warning:  I'm venting here so if you don't want to hear it scroll down to a more cheerful post***

I've stayed mostly silent about this pregnancy mainly because I've learned people just don't want to hear how a woman struggles with pregnancy.  It's been more the "suffer in silence" road here.  I realize too that people really don't get how sick I get.  Unless you live here in this house, you wouldn't fully realize.  With that said, this pregnancy, initially wasn't quite as severe as the first two...but it was still really nasty.  Things were complicated by our insurance company too who would only cover enough Zofran for me to take 1/2 a pill every day.  Something else that has come up with this pregnancy that I've never had to deal with before is insomnia.  What a nightmare!  Anyone who suffers from insomnia on a regular basis has all my sympathy.  At night I can sleep maybe 3 hours, and then I just lay there, tossing and turning.  Not to mention having to get up every 2 hours of so to eat or puke.  Nice.  But time passed.  At about 11 weeks I started to notice subtle improvements.  I was able to sleep better and the nausea wasn't as bad.  Being able to sleep again worked wonders.  Then miraculously at about 14 weeks I noticed a big improvement.  I felt a lot better.  The nausea was still there, just more manageable.  I had more of an appetite.  I was only getting up once or twice a night to eat, which was great.  I was so grateful. 

A week ago we got home from Virginia (visiting family).  I felt weird the day after we got back.  M had been sick down there so I knew there was a possibility I was getting sick.  Monday it hit.  The Flu or some virus...it was terrible.  I had a high fever and lots of coughing, nausea and vomiting.  I'll be the first to admit that I'm a terrible sick person.  I don't handle it very well.  I've tried really hard to handle this one better...but I haven't been too great at it.  Anyways, I was absolutely miserable.  The next day the fever was more low grade, but I still felt terrible and was coughing a lot.  The nausea and vomiting were reminiscent of the early days of the pregnancy and I was having difficulty sleeping again.  In the wee hours of Wednesday morning I suspected I needed to go to the doctor.  I got an afternoon appointment.  I was so terrified the doctor was going to tell me there wasn't anything wrong other than a cold and to tough it out.  When he told me I had a pretty good case of bronchitis I started to cry out of relief.  I was so relieved there was something really wrong because it meant it could be fixed.  I got an Rx for Amoxicillin and was told I'd feel like "a new woman in no time."  I felt a slight improvement the next day, but that quickly went away and if anything I felt worse.  I felt sicker than I'd every felt in any pregnancy.  I came to realize that I'd always taken the health of my lungs for granted.  Now that my lungs were sick, the effects on my body were drastic.  By Sunday (yesterday) I was emotionally and physically exhausted.  I started having the sensation that I was drowning when I was lying down...which made sleep (night or day) impossible.  I called the doctor hoping against hope that he would tell me something else must be going on and that FINALLY I would get some relief.  He was no help.  It was basically, "well, we've done what we can, but you're pregnant so..."  After that phone call I was devastated.  I had truly believed he would have answers for why it was getting worse, not better.  I sobbed and sobbed.  I called Mr. N (who was at church) and tried to explain what had happened, but I don't think he understood a word I said through the sobs.  I was so upset because I just wanted to be able to breath...and I couldn't.  At that point I prayed and cried and told Heavenly Father I just felt like I couldn't do it anymore and to please help.  I was so beaten.  After Mr. N got home we decided to brave the pouring rain and go to the ER and see what they could do.  They were wonderful.  They ran a bunch of blood work and gave me 3 breathing treatments and an IV.  The doctor wasn't impressed with the medication regiment my doctor had given me so he redid that too.  He had them pump me full of more amoxicillin and steroids and who knows what else to help boost my system.  He sent me home with a stronger antibiotic, a steroid, inhaler, and nebulizer for breathing treatments.  It was such a relief to feel like I could breath again.  I still can't sleep, but I'm REALLY hoping that lets up too when the bronchitis clears up.  I never thought I'd look forward to just being sick from pregnancy.

I know it's annoying that some pregnant women complain and complain...it gets on my nerves too.  Just remember that pregnancy, though it is a HUGE blessing, is still very hard.  Sometimes it gets the better of all of us.

Anyways, that's the end of my rant.  I'm tired and exhausted and drained, but hoping things will turn up here soon.  Keep us in your prayers!