Why am I posting about this again? Why am I a mess over this?
I'm a woman. I'm a pro at making a huge deal out of things that aren't a big deal. I'm expert at occasionally blowing up and going to pieces over something that is so small and inconsequential...and then immediately feeling better after the blow up...leaving a confused husband in my wake I must add. The thing is I really don't think I'm making enough milk for my daughter, and I've just never had that problem before. I'm not dieting. I'm actually not exercising much because of the broken toe deal. I don't have any reason to not be meeting her needs, so why is it not working? I called to talk to the LLL and felt worse after that. I know they mean well, but after asking questions about her stools & wet diapers I felt like they were saying, "Duh, she's not getting enough!" When I sit and look at it, Louie's diapers didn't reflect a baby that was getting enough…and they haven’t for the past few months. I think I could have her make it with one diaper all day wetness wise...She does a lot of #2's, but they are super dry (sorry to be so graphic...). Why didn't I see this myself? Maybe the reason she's so into food is that I don't make enough for her. Yet why doesn't she act more hungry at the breast? I don't see the signs of a hungry baby after I feed her, but if I sit her down and get cereal or baby food out she goes nuts, like she is going to die from starvation at any moment. She usually eats a lot of food too. Easily 6+ oz worth of...whatever.
The LLL told me to nurse her every 1 ½ hours. I about cried. I'm pretty regular about nursing her every 3-ish hours, give or take depending on need and schedule. So I did was they recommended and I didn't notice a difference. There wasn't a sudden abundance of milk. On the contrary, she started refusing to nurse on one side on every other feeding and nursed a little on the other. Even then I didn't feel much of a let down. Finally this afternoon, after nursing her I decided to try her on a bottle for the first time. I started with 2 oz. She gobbled it up and then cried when it was empty. I gave her another 2…then another 2. After 6 oz (given right after I nursed her), she seemed happy and satisfied. I wanted to cry. Why isn’t my body working? I went ahead and waited 2 ½ hours for the next feeding and nursed her. I felt like there was more milk then when I was doing the 1 ½ hour thing. She nursed well. I thought maybe things were better and I’d filled her up. I offered her a bottle to see if she would take it and she ate 4 oz (she cried every time I pulled it away to see if she was done). For whatever reason it appears that I’m not cutting it. I can’t believe how wet her diapers have been since introducing formula. My poor baby has been starving…and seriously she already looks fatter. Both Mr. N & I said it. I have very mixed emotions about this. I don’t know why. I’ve got no problem with people choosing to nurse or do bottles. I've just chosen to nurse and never had my body flake out on me. It feels like my body failed her and I didn’t even notice. (I know I shouldn't feel that way...) Anyways, we’re now supplementing with formula and Louie is getting fatter and sleeping better. I just need to adjust to the new normal. I’m going to continue nursing her as much as I can for as long as I can. Thanks for the advice everyone. I did try the suggestions too and nothing seemed to really help. Maybe leaving New Jersey means I’m no longer the “Jersey Milk Cow” I was for Elle.
Breath in. Breath out.
6 comments:
My sister in law had the same issue with all 5 of her kids, and did exactly what you are doing. I know it's hard on her each time her body fails her and she has to supplement with formula. Not being able to care for our children takes away from our power as women and mothers. It's disheartening to loose a bit of that, but you are not a failure. Just remember all things you can do for her and your other two girls. Sure, your body isn't working the way it should in milk production, but there are many other ways in which it is working up to par. Like having arms to cuddle, a womb to carry babies, lips to smile and kiss. It's lists like these that keep me going when I start to get bogged down by infertility and celiacs. You are amazing, don't let yourself think otherwise! :)
I went through the same thing with my oldest and it was hard for me. Even now, five years later I will still think about it at times and wish that it could have been different. So, it's okay {and healthy} to feel...however you feel... it's a very emotional act, nursing your child.
Your little Louie is blessed to have you for a mommy. Never doubt or forget that! And you are doing great.
1. your baby still had wet diapers and poopy ones. yeah!
2. she was not acting lethargic and was social, no?
3. therefore, she was not starving, per say... just a little hungry.
4. there's a point, I promise.
5. she's cute, and you have 3 children under the age of 5.
6. you noticed a problem.
7. you asked advice, consulted moms and professionals.
8. you didn't listen to my advice... good!
9. you are under quite a bit of stress. stress makes your body do crazy things.
10. you should be recommended for mom of the year. and here's why... this is the second time that you've been sweet lou's lifesaver... think about it. there could've been so many reasons not to act, yet you went with your mommy instinct. don't beat yourself up too much. every mom and dad makes mistakes. and really, i don't think this was a mistake. it would've been if you had not acted.
so hooray for mom of the year!!!
Thanks everyone. :) I needed that.
Oh my...I know exactly how you're feeling. Well, except I'm not you, but I certainly am familiar with nursing problems and my body failing with the production of milk. Have you tried eating and drinking more? I mean, a LOT more? My kiddo starting losing weight around 3 months and rather than be concerned with her, he was concerned with my eating, or lack there-of. I know you said you aren't dieting, but maybe adding some extra calories could help? I don't know. Just thinking of my own issues and what helped.
Seriously, so sorry about this! I know it's hard to explain to other people the feelings of losing your milk. I think you should be commended for even trying to work it out in the first place. Most mom's would throw in the towel at first trial. You're amazing!!!
I think for sure its because you left New Jersey ;) I am glad she is sleeping better for you, and getting full. Good job for figuring it out!
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