Turkey, turkey

Our Turkey Day Pancakes made by dad

Sometimes I look at people and think, "you're so weird..." 

On that cheerful note, Thanksgiving was interesting this year.  Wonderful in some ways, frustrating to the point of tears in others.  I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful husband who looks out for and protects me.  He's such a good man.  I'm grateful for 3 beautiful daughters.  Our 4-year-old is so sweet and concerned about others.  She is positive and encouraging too (unless she wakes up on the wrong side of the bed...).  She's always telling us the things we do are wonderful, etc.  Our 3-year-old is a 3-year-old.  Difficult.  She's very emotionally driven, which doesn't help the situation much.  She's definitely testing her bounds in ways I don't remember our Emmy doing.  She is such a sweetie though.  She has such an infectious smile and loves to give us hugs and kisses.  She has the greatest belly laugh too.  Our baby girl is such a wonderful, sweet baby.  She's so happy and so good for the soul.  I think life would be so much harder without her sweet spirit in the family.  She is little and has only been with us 3 months...but she adds so much to our family dynamic.  I love the "softer" side she has brought out in her big sisters as they hold and take care of her.  I look at my girls and my husband and am so grateful that through the blessing of a temple marriage families can be forever. 

Having a family comes as a sacrifice in some ways.  We would certainly have more money if we didn't have children...or as many children while students.  I would certainly have a better looking body if we didn't have so many children.  But life is short...and those are trivial things.  I'm learning more and more how much we can do without...and what is most important.  Its amazing how blessed we are...even though things are so incredibly tight.  Count you blessings.  Even when it seems you have nothing, you may be overwhelmed to see how much you have.  Even with my physical appearance, something I've always struggled with, I think its been good for me to learn to be okay with what I look like, even if its not the way I'd like to look.  I love to get out an exercise, etc, but overall I want hope my daughters will remember me more for my character, personality and testimony and not for hours put in to maintaining a physical appearance.

Overall I just really really grateful for all we have.  My dad, who doesn't share our religious beliefs, said to me the other day that he would have never had children if he didn't have a job to provide, etc.  I was irritated at the insinuations against my husband and the life we have chosen.  We chose to get married and we choose to not wait until all Mr. N's schooling was done before having children.  Such is in accordance with our religious beliefs.  Yeah, it probably would have been easier to wait, but I wouldn't change our choices.  Despite all the obstacles we have faced in the past 7 years, we are still making it.  It is due to the blessings of the Lord and through the love, help and support of our family.  I am so grateful for what we have.  I'm so grateful for my family.  I look forward to Mr. N's education being done in 17 months, but until then we will continue to press forward and learn from our experiences.  I firmly believe the things we are learning now will go on to bless us later in our lives.

I think that's how life works.  We go through hard things.  When we face those things we have a choice.  We can either curl up in fetal position and just make it through or we can try our best to learn from it.  That's something I came to understand after my 2nd pregnancy.  I went through the first two basically in that fetal position and just survived.  Being so sick for the whole 9 months is exhausting after all.  I cried a lot in self pity.  After the fact I came to understand that there were things I was really suppose to learn at that time that i didn't allow myself to learn.  I was sad that I didn't allow myself to learn lessons the Lord was trying to teach me.  I was grateful to become pregnant again and to even be sick again so that I could submit more willingly and learn from the experience.  The Lord will help and guide us if we allow him.  He always does...not always in the way we anticipate or expect...but he always does.  As always though, it is our choice.